Blog

March 3, 2016

And Now We Wait

One thing that has fascinated me since entering the workforce is how people respond when I tell them what I do.

“Oh you’re a special education teacher? You must be SO patient!”

I always smile and kindly accept the praise. Undoubtedly, I have a job that requires patience, but to suggest that God granted me super-human capacities in this regard is laughable. I’m the girl who gets squirrelly during lengthy pre-meal prayers, I’m always antsy in waiting rooms and traffic jams, and I frequently Google how long a movie is then continually check my phone to see how much longer I have to sit still. (I admit that last one is weird).

Yet, here I am, along with plenty of others, feeling stuck in an in-between stage of life. I have had countless conversations with other twenty-somethings who are anxious to get to that next step, whether that’s in their jobs, their relationships, their finances, etc.

I’ve realized recently that, surprisingly, even those who are much older and wiser than me are often still left seeking, wondering what is coming up ahead. Don’t we all want to get a glimpse of our futures? It’s human nature. Our hearts, when left to their own devices, find it easy to wander from our ultimate purpose. Facebook, Instagram, and Pinterest have allowed our minds to meander through all that we DON’T have. And our brains transform that into something we MUST have. Infomercials assure us that we can have it all for the low, low price of $19.99 plus shipping and handling. No matter how much we do, there’s still a lurking feeling that we could achieve it all if only we strive a little bit more. That is the American dream after all. Now I’m a huge advocate of hard work, and I truly believe that if you want something badly enough, you can more than likely get it. But God’s been speaking to me loudly in this in-between phase through the verse in Psalm 46:10 that says,

“Be STILL and know that I am God.”

He doesn’t instruct us to strive more. Let’s all take a collective sigh of relief. This knowledge is powerful! No matter how much we do, we’ll always feel empty if we aren’t consistently seeking the eternal. I’ve written about contentment in the past because as I look back over my life, I’m well aware that it’s an area that I’ve struggled with. It’s hard for me to be patient as I wait for the Lord to reveal to me what’s to come in my life. Maybe instead of asking, “Where do I see myself in 5 years?” I should ask “How will God use me in the next 5 years?” I won’t worry about who I’ll marry, where I’ll live, how many kids I’ll have. As the days, months, and years continue to tick by, it’s easy to grow restless in trusting His timing. But wait! Wasn’t God faithful in revealing to me where I should go to college? And what my major should be? Didn’t he direct me towards Godly friendships and a supportive community once I was graduated and in the real world? How quickly I can forget and cling tightly to my own plans.

We’re reminded yet again in Matthew 6:25:
“Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life.”

And while I’m the first to admit that this doesn’t come easy, I hope you will join me in choosing to daily surrender your own agenda. His plan can (and most certainly will) trump your wildest dreams.

March 1, 2016

The Lost Art of Confession

Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective. – James 5:16

My junior year of college, I found myself in the midst of a frustrating dilemma. I had unknowingly crossed over from feeling spiritually fed in my college fellowship, into a place where I was a leader and wasn’t there to be taught, but there to pour into other people. I had to start self-feeding if I wanted to continue to see growth in my own life.

I was admittedly at a loss.

One of the beautiful things about your first couple of years in a college town is that relationships with other people, especially once you’ve found a church, require little to no intentionality. The entire environment is largely conducive to making friendships almost by accident. You make friends with classmates, with people you intern with, with people on your floor, with people who go to your fellowship, with people who work with, with people who are routinely at the gym/dining commons/laundry room the same time you are – pretty much everywhere if you’re open to it. There wasn’t much about that season of my life that was intentional, I often jokingly refer to it as the EAC (which, if you’ve seen Finding Nemo, is this big current that if you can hop on to, takes you incredibly far without any real effort from you).

And then all of a sudden, I was booted out of the EAC. For the first time in my relatively young adult life, if I wanted growth and connection, I had to ask for it. I had to make time for it. And while I balked at that at first, once I reached out to a couple of friends who I knew were in similar places, we found a pretty large group of girls who were praying for the exact same thing. It was like the cartoon light bulb had been switched on over our heads: we schemed, planned and excitedly dreamt up what we would study, where we’d meet, and what God would do.

We didn’t even come close to dreaming big enough.

We had planned to meet for the first time just before Christmas break ended, except that meant that only about half of the girls who had expressed interest were able to show up, myself included. So the next week, when we were all finally able to be there, my friend Sara had the idea to go around do introductions. Again, in a town where everything revolves around the university, this is not a new thing. Your second day in the dorms your freshman year, you’ve pretty much got the “name, major, where you’re from, and random fact” narrative down pat. You repeat it a lot. It’s not actually vulnerable at all, nor does it require really connecting with anyone, but it gives you something to answer with your TA’s ask it every quarter, or you’re in a study group, or new at a fellowship.

Sara’s introduction went for the kill. Instead of the blasé 3 line introduction, she said, “Tell me your story” and then launched into 10 minutes of genuine vulnerability. Then Amanda went, and if anything went more deeply into vulnerability. And for the next 3 hours, we told each other the ugly, bumpy, broken parts of who we were. 12 of us bared our souls in the most terrifying, tear-filled night of my life.

I had gotten really good at doing this fake brand of vulnerability, the church version of the “name, major, where you’re from and random fact”, and the real thing made me want to throw up. I hated it. I actively avoided it. I engaged in fake vulnerability, which for me, looks like sharing things that God has already done and fixed, so I could say “look at this big, messy thing that isn’t actually a problem for me anymore”, and pretend that I was being real with my struggles. And here I was, in this bible study I had prayed for, planned for and helped to organize…and I couldn’t escape it.

I could probably do an entire series on what made that night at bible study so life changing. We were all empathetic and kind with the stories the rest of the group felt the most shame for. Being gracious in response, being genuine and kind, when someone has had the courage to share the parts of themselves they’d rather forget existed…is one of the most life-giving things you can do for another person. It cuts the shame that’s waiting in the wings to swoop in and beat them up, off at the knees. We were all a little bit desperate for community, which put us in a unique place to be willing to go further than we might have otherwise to get it. We were all invested with parts of us we weren’t proud of, so it didn’t feel like anybody walked away holding all of the cards. We were meant to be in that apartment in East Davis that night, and like Esther, I honestly believe we were all in the position we were for such a time as that.

We definitely weren’t perfect. And I wouldn’t even say that three years later, we are all even still the kind of friends that we were in that season. But it was the best bible study I’ve ever been in. I’ve never witnessed the Lord do signs and wonders and miracles like I did in that 8 months and I formed some of the best friendships I’ve ever had in my life. Not just because they were exceptionally wonderful girls, (which they really were) but because in that night, we confessed our sins and shame to one another, and we found healing. It wasn’t all instantaneous (though my friend Katie was completely healed from arthritis just a few hours later) but healing from physical, emotional, mental and spiritual wounds reverberated through the group and touched each one of us.

There is so much power in bringing somebody else into your pit. Into the parts of you that are ugly and hard. The voice in your head is convinced that if anybody else knew, they wouldn’t look at you the same. They would judge you, and then word would get out, and everyone would know. It’s the shame equivalent of those dreams where you go to school in your underwear and everyone points and laughs. But the reality of it is, when you trust Jesus in sharing those parts of you with other people He brings in front of you, there isn’t pointing and laughing. There’s grace. There’s acceptance of who you are, exactly where you are. There’s healing.

I wish I could say that everyone you’ve ever been tempted to tell a secret to would keep it. But I think we all know that that isn’t true, and is often a reason I’ve heard from girls as to why they can’t share the real stuff with people. And I do urge you to be selective. Don’t shout it from the rooftops unless the Lord has said very plainly to you, “Go, and shout it from the rooftops” (or in my case “Go, put it on the website”). But don’t let those experiences be what walls you in from vulnerability, real connection and being genuinely known by people who love you.

Vulnerability is scary. It’s hard and sometimes you wish you could stuff all of it back into your mouth once it’s out there. But I’ve never walked away from trusting the Lord, when he’s asked me to be vulnerable, more damaged. Ever. I’ve walked away so steeped in fear that I was convinced that everyone I’ve ever known would know and look at me differently, because the truth of it would spread like wildfire. I’ve walked away and hidden in my house for days because I was terrified of the world. I’ve walked away and wanted to cut off all connection with those people because now they know the real me, and I can’t pretend to have it all together. But each time, I’ve walked away a little more whole. With shame having a little less power. Trusting Jesus with my ugly and hard parts a little more. Finding a little more healing.

If I could give a single piece of advice that I believe would change your life, it would be to trust to Jesus in confession. Because you’re not alone, and the Lord isn’t the only one who will see the depths of how broken you are and love you anyway. Your life will be infinitely richer having let people in on who you are.

In the words of my favorite author Brene Brown:

“You are imperfect, you are wired for struggle, but you are worthy of love and belonging.”

Love and belonging require that we be real with who and where we are. That we have the courage to show up and let ourselves be seen. It can be one of the hardest things we decide to do and keep doing every day, but there is such sweet freedom in knowing that the people who know and love you, have seen the worst of you and aren’t running away.

February 25, 2016

Favorites: February 2016

We wanted to do something fun at the end of the month. One of us ladies will share some favorites for the month or we might either reflect for the month. It’s not set in stone. Each of us have a different writing style. I know for myself, I have to do something different to get my creative juices flowing again. Today I’m sharing some of my favorites things from this month.

February has been a great month. Can you believe that March is in 5 days? Yeah, me either. This month consisted of a lot of Jesus Culture – especially their new album “Let it Echo“. I couldn’t tell you a favorite song from their album because I love it all. I listened to it 3x in a row. It got better every time. I’ve tweeted lyrics. Shared their clips on Facebook. Sat in my bathroom & worshipped. It’s been good.

Where have I been listening to their album from? Spotify, of course. When people tell me they use Pandora and have never heard of Spotify, I gasp. “You don’t use Spotify?! Oh, we are changing that.” If you haven’t heard of Spotify, let me introduce this great service. Spotify is a way to stream music. You can download the App on your phone or download the program on your computer. You can create playlists. Listen to whole albums. You can check out what your friends are listening to. There is a free version and a paid version – Spotify Premium. I’ve discovered a lot of new music from Spotify & the playlists they have created. You can listen to books on there, as well as learn a new language.

IF:Gathering. Wow. What an amazing gathering. This is their mission: We exist to gather, equip and unleash the next generation of women to live out their purpose. I rounded up a group of girls from my home town and we spent most of our weekend relaxing on couches live streaming the event happening in Austin, Texas. David Platt, Jo Saxton, Angie Smith, Eugene Cho, Jennie Allen, Sweet Maria Goff….the list goes on and on. If you haven’t heard of IF, well check them out – click here. You can purchase this years gathering, too – click here! Their leaders are some of my unofficial mentors. These women can passionately preach the Word. I want to be just like them. I love IF.

The last thing I’ve been loving, which has been every month, is Benefit’s “They’re Real” mascara. I’ve very picky about mascara. Many mascaras lie to me. They may do 1/3 things that they advertise. I love this mascara because it does curl my lashes, as well as lengthen. There is volume and lift – it’s amazing. People have asked if I’m wearing fake lashes or if it’s my lashes. I proudly tell them I’m not wearing fake lashes. Now, let me explain. My lashes don’t have a fake look. When people ask, they are just surprised that lashes can look like this. I’m a big fan of the formula. Go ahead, buy yourself a tube – click here.

February 23, 2016

Kale Smoothie

You either clicked on this because: A) you like kale, B) you’re thinking, “How can you make kale taste good in smoothie form?”, or C) Opps! This was an accident. I dislike kale!

Honestly, I didn’t want to jump on the kale kick. I didn’t want to be like everyone else with a green smoothie in their hand. But after reading up on about kale, I found some interesting recipes that caught my attention.

Let’s talk about the nutrition in kale.

There is a TON of Vitamin A, C, & K (+ more!). There are antioxidants in it. It can lower your cholesterol. It’s also cancer fighting. It’s a good source for minerals. Really…who is taking a decent amount of minerals daily? Kale is great for your eyes! It can help you loose weight or keep it off. (Information from 10 Proven Benefits of Kale.)

Yes, this leafy green veggie contains all of this!

So you’re probably thinking, “Hmmm…I might need to get my hands on some kale.”

Kale, yeah.

To me, kale smoothies are a great way to get the source of goodness & they are the easiest for me! I use my NutriBullet and BAM – smoothie! In the smoothies that I make, I use no bananas. For some reason, I dislike them. They create a weird film in my mouth. You can always add bananas to yours, but in mine, you’ll see none.

I don’t measure either – everyones favorite person, right? You’ll see in the recipe that I use the term “handful” as a way of measurement.

My recipe consists of kale, fresh pineapple, 100% pineapple juice, raspberries, juice from oranges (not included in today’s post), chia seeds, and ice. Yep, that’s it!

This is my “pick-me-up” smoothie after work. I do believe that my face feels brighter after I drink it.

Tips: Cut the stems off of the kale. To me, this adds yucky bitterness.

Also, add orange juice! When I made my smoothie, I forget my oranges right AFTER I blended my drink and drank half of it. I knew it tasted differently. Fresh orange juice is the real deal.

So, I hope you enjoy! Any questions, comment below!

Kale Smoothie

Ingredients

Handful of kale - stems cut off.
5 raspberries.
Splash of 100% pineapple juice.
4 pieces of cut up fresh pineapple.
Juice from 2 oranges.
1/4 teaspoon of chia seeds.
1/4 or 1/3 of crushed ice (depends if you want it thick or not).

Instructions

Put all ingredients in blender and start 'er up.
Enjoy!

https://www.thecaptivatingwoman.com/kale-smoothie/

February 18, 2016

Meet Edith Taylor

Here’s the thing: none of us who write for The Captivating Woman are wives or mothers. So when we get in contact with someone who is married and/or has children, we jump on it! Our mission is simple. We want women to be encouraged by other women who are serving the Lord in their unique ways. Serving God is not cookie cutter & I love that it’s like that.

Let me introduce Edith.

Edith contacted me with a lovely email nominating her friends to be a part of the “Meet Captivating Women” series. She ended the email humbly saying, “I am only entering myself because I promised someone I would after them bugging me.” She said that she didn’t believe she was qualified, but I instantly had to kill that lie. Don’t you ever feel that coming out of your mouth? “I am not qualified. I don’t do anything special…” For years I said that. But 2 Corinthians 3:5 says:

“It is not that we think we are qualified to do anything on our own. Our qualification comes from God.”

That’s where Edith comes in. Her heart for motherhood comes deeply from the Lord. She believes that motherhood should be filled in grace and that mothers should walk in it daily. I know that there will be some mothers who will be encouraged by Edith – I sure was, as a single woman.

Q: Where do you live & how old are you?
A: I am a very young 31 years old, but I still get asked if I’m in my early 20’s. I’ll credit that to my extreme shortness. I live in a very old, tiny little farmhouse in Corvallis, Oregon. We are surrounded by mostly pastures & we are neighbors to a bunch of sweet cows.

Q: Give us a day in the life of Edith.
A: I hate mornings with every ounce of me so after 5 alarms (my husband loves it), I finally force myself to roll (some day’s literally) out of bed. Then my toddler son heads off to the sitters while I go to work for a pest control company where I handle most of the rodent & wildlife services. It’s the most amazing family owned business & actually a really interesting job! After I head home with my son we get to do my favorite thing, which is lots of fun playtime. Since I work all day, I really strive to make the time I have with him very intentional. Dinner is for catching up on each other’s days & talking around our farm table my husband built. I always always lay with my son as he drifts off to
dreamland. Finally when it’s quiet it’s time for strict routine: cleanup, pack lunches, make dinner for the next day, dishes laundry & writing or editing. I used to have a fulltime photography business on top of all of this, but God asked us to lay that down for a year of devoted family time & growth. It was the hardest decision filled with the greatest reward.

Q: What three words describe you?
A: So my blog used to be mostly for my photography business, but instead of closing it I decided to transition it to an outlet for my heart. I’ve always really loved to write. As my love for motherhood grew deeper, I found myself wanting to share that love with other moms. I’d spend time each night writing (what my husband calls novels) on instagram, so the blog was a very easy outlet for me. Honestly most of my posts are written sitting on a tiny footstool in my kitchen during the evening when the house is still.

Q: Describe your heart for motherhood & pouring into your family.
A: Oh gosh. So from day one I’ve had a deep passion for being a mother. I truly believe that I was designed to be a mom. To love in that constant unconditional way was so natural. That being said, our first few years with our son were excruciating. Our son didn’t sleep through the night by any means until around 11 months, from 4 months to 12 months we had 12 ear infections, 2 rounds of croup, endless colds, a vicious flu, popped all of his teeth except his 2 year molars & developed an antibiotic allergy. I was so overwhelmed by the trial; I began sinking in all of the advice that everyone gave to fix it. I read every book, tried every method, researched every this or that but nothing helped. No matter what I did it was contradictory to someone else’s advice & I could feel the sorrow mixed
with judgment in daily interaction I had with other moms. I distinctly remember my complete meltdown in the kitchen after he developed the antibiotic allergy because I’d heard some comments about how it was our fault for giving him the medicine. I told God I was at the end of my rope, that I was tired, that I needed answers. That I needed to know what to do. It was the first time I really questioned if I was capable of doing this.

The hard part of being a mom today is that in this world of advice & judgment we have to find the confidence that God has in us for ourselves. It was on that kitchen floor, broken into a million pieces crying the ugly cry that God reached down, transformed my heart completely & started a momma bear fire within me. Not only did I finally understand that I needed to have grace for myself, but also know that I could walk in total confidence because God was leading my decisions as a mother. And if God is leading my decisions, they are always right. Once we finally are able to breath in the truth of who we are as moms, we can start living in the freedom of that. This freedom allows me to make decisions for my son’s health & know that it is the very best thing for him. To not question myself as a mom, allowing me to be his biggest advocate. I get to raise him based on what God has spoken to me in prayer & not worry about the 7 million pieces of advice I can get in a day. That same confidence allowed me to close a photography business just as it was exploding in order to put my family first. The greatest transformation in my entire life has been through the hardest journey of being a mom.

Q: What’s the favorite part of your “job” (Being a mom & writing on your blog)?
A: The word that keeps coming to my mind is loving. Honestly it’s just the best part. Loving my son through serving him, caring for him, playing with him, teaching him about God. The best part is seeing him growing his heart & showing that same compassion to others. The best is when he does it so naturally & unprompted. Every night I pray over him, the same prayer, in the same order, the same words. He has started to ask before I can say anything to pray for others. He always decides who to pray for one after another. Watching him grow that innocent heart for the Lord, that is the
victory in it all. It’s the payoff for being diligent in raising them, for doing those 10 million thankless jobs, for praying out loud when we think they’re not even paying attention. This is in addition to the endless giggles, the snuggles, that freak the heck out excitement when I pick him up each day. I just honestly love every part of this mom gig.

My favorite part about writing again is about loving. To speak in a love that is calling out the freedom of grace in other mothers. There is so much pressure out there to do everything right, not talk about the taboo, pretend like we have it all together & delicately wrap it up with a Pinterest bow. Honestly I don’t have time for all that fake bull honkey. My favorite is getting to the nitty gritty & praying in the trenches with mothers. I really truly believe that we are all incredible mothers. That we are doing an amazing job, far better than we think. When I get to encourage women who are in the hard places of motherhood & speak truth into their hearts, hope into their days, love into their trials. That is where it’s at for me. Pouring so much grace over them that it overflows & they can’t help but breath it back out. I love to call out that confident mother in other women. To help them transform into a heart that believes in themselves.

Q: Favorite verse?
A: Wait do I really have to pick one? I’m studying the scripture about rest right now (#edithlearnstorest) so I have a lot of them. If I have to narrow it down these are my rock verses that carry me through anything. “Count it all joy, my brothers when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.” James 1:2 – 4. “You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you.” Isaiah 26:3

Q: What makes a Captivating Woman?
A: Captivating is defined as to be capable of attracting and holding interest. I think this is such a good description of who God is. This amazingly beautiful, loving person that just draws people to him in the most natural way. To me, a captivating woman is someone who does the same for God’s kingdom. A woman who is always mindful of walking out a representation of heaven, with a heart of Christ. Someone who champions for us to live in truth, honesty, grace & freedom. Not worried by the judgment of others or opinion of the world, but simply the approval of her heavenly father. She is a woman who carries the Holy Spirit so thick that effortlessly they draw in others to see out God’s truth.

Q: Favorite story in the Bible?
A: I’m always intrigued by the story of Abraham. To have that kind of faith that you can come to a place of almost sacrificing your son. With that amount of trust in God…I just…it blows my mind every time. Can you imagine believing in Gods sovereignty so deeply, to the extent that Abraham did? To trust God literally with every part of you. I used to pray when we were in the first 12 weeks of pregnancy a prayer to be like Abraham. That no matter what happened on this road of motherhood, God would give me the ability to have faith like Abraham. To trust him to that extent with my son. With my family. With my life.

Q: Who are some Captivating Women in your life that we need to know about?
A: There are a few women that I just draw richly from. My friends Faith & Mountains in Ethiopia. Brad & Bethany Canfield moved their family to help run the Soddo Christian Hospital. Bethany is hands down the most Godly woman I know. She speaks loving truth where ever she goes in the most
honest & raw way. She is humble, passionate for God, walking out an overwhelming calling & the most beautiful soul. I miss her so dearly, but love the work that their family is doing. Stephanie Tait from The Joy Parade Blog. This lady is an incredible mother of two amazing little boys. She blogs, writes, speaks & is honestly the one that is my glue. My friend Karen Stott who is the founder of the Pursuit 31 Community for women. She hosts conferences, writes devotionals, created the Intentional Home Project. She is an unbelievable woman who is so head over heels in love with Jesus it’s contagious. My life has been changed so drastically just by knowing her heart for intentional families & devotion. Jacki Moore who is a beautiful light to this motherhood journey. I love watching her motherhood unfold in an honest, real way that breaths life into others. The tenderness of her heart calls out the softness in others & connection to the father always lifts me up on days when I need some truth.

Find Edith on her website www.simplykissed.com
Instagram: @simplykissed
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/SimplyKissedPhotography

Subscribe to The Captivating Woman via Email