The Captivating Woman

Designed with purpose.

Rejection: How I Started Believing in Lies

From a young age, I’ve been rejected.

I can recall the first time I was rejected by some girls my age – they were my neighbors. They had told me that I was “dumb” because my mom homeschooled my brother and I. They wouldn’t let me play with them because in their eyes, I was unusual. I jetted back to my house on my pink bike, crying because of their hurtful words. When you’re young and haven’t experienced rejection like that, it starts to build blocks in your life – negative blocks of shame in this case.

As a homeschooler, I was constantly looked at as the typical Christian weird-o. I felt like I was in this weird box that no one understood. I struggled to find friendships with girls, not because I was socially awkward, but because no one wanted to be friends with the homeschooler.

Junior high: this is where my heart really began to become tattered.

I was not a slim girl in junior high. I didn’t wear what was cool and I definitely was forbidden to wear makeup until high school. I had a gap in my teeth and my brows were out of control. I wasn’t the girl the guys chased – well, so I believed. My diaries were flooded of names of boys I crushed on at church and church camp. But at that young age, I claimed in my life that I was unapproachable, undesirable, and not worthy to have a boyfriend. Again, more building blocks began to set into my heart.

In high school, it was different but kind of the same. A new breed of guys were interested in me, yet I was denied by the athletic, good looking, popular boys. I felt like I wasn’t enough.

Ugly. Weird. Flat hair. Odd wardrobe. Gapped teeth. Not confident. Chunky. Not hot. These were lies I was hearing.

As an adult, I’ve been rejected in jobs. There are times when I instantly want to believe that I was too dumb for the job or not good enough to even be considered.

Because I was rejected, I felt like a 1 out of 10.
Because I was rejected, I became hurt and I hid.
Because I was rejected, I claimed lies about myself.

I’m 26 now but over the past year or so, I’ve started to identify these lies.

As I’ve seen God’s unfolding in my life, especial when a door doesn’t open, I try to not go rushing to my grab bag of lies to pull something out that’s false about me. This hasn’t been easy – it’s been quite difficult. See, I would be in the Word and then on social media waiting for affirmation of a picture I posted. If I didn’t get a large amount of likes, I felt rejected. I would be in the Word then waiting for a guy to text me back, hoping that Prince Charming would sweep me off my feet with a charming yet flirty conversation. But again, I felt rejected when I didn’t get what I hoped for.

When our hands are involved in two sources, it’s hard to identify what’s truth and what is not.

I’m going to the Lord as a source, but I’m waiting for a man to tell me who I am. That can’t work. Because I know that I know that I know, as women we fully intake everything a man says about us, from the most positive compliment we have ever received to the most negative remark, which could be about our bodies, our minds, or our personalities.

I know this all too well, because I was rejected by a man who I had invested many years in. A guy I considered marrying one day.

When we are rejected by a man, for example, the blocks form. The lies take root. We start watering those roots with more lies. And the Lord is there saying, “No, no, no, no, no…you are not these lies. You’re my Daughter. You are worthy. You are talented. You are amazing. You are beautiful. Don’t claim these lies.”

We will be disappointed and rejected by human beings. This will always happen. Even if it’s your sweet grandmother or your husband of many years, they will disappoint you.

When we are rejected, we automatically need to nip the lie that starts to form. This has to become a habit in our lives.

We also need to ask God, “What do You think of me? Who am I in Your eyes?”

Rejection hurts, that’s no lie. But rejection should not cultivate lies, and as daughters of a Royal King, we need to place all these lies at the feet of Jesus for Him to flip through them to rip up and make known who we are.

Snickersnaps

A few years ago, I was a leader in my college group and had made it my personal mission to find someone to pull under my wing. I have no idea why I felt like I needed to transition into Mr. Miyagi, but I did, and there was a new crop of freshman coming in to Davis that year, and I knew my little guy was in there somewhere. I had no idea that I would indeed find a freshman to love, mentor and spend time with, but that she would be significantly taller than me, and I’d only get to keep her for a year. To this day, she is still one of my favorite people to snapchat with, and I can’t make Snickersnaps without thinking of her, because we made the very first batch together in my tiny South Davis kitchen.

I’ve since found a few recipes on Pinterest that are somewhat similar, but most of them use powdered ginger, and I can’t in good conscience, make a cookie that way. (#gratedorbust) Fresh ginger, molasses and my Aunt Charlene’s Snickerdoodle recipe make for unbelievably good cookies.

Happy fall, y’all.

Print
Snickersnaps

Ingredients

  • Chewy Ginger Cookies:
  • 2 1/4 cups flour
  • 1 tsp baking powder
  • 1/2 tsp salt
  • 2 Tbsp (I usually add 3, because I like things really gingery, but that's up to you) grated fresh ginger
  • 12 Tbsp (1 1/2 sticks) room temperature butter
  • 1 cup sugar
  • 1/4 cup molasses
  • 1 egg
  • Aunt Charlene's Snickerdoodle Cookies
  • 1 cup (2 sticks) butter
  • 1/2 cup sugar
  • 2 eggs
  • 1 tsp vanilla
  • 3 1/2 cups of flour
  • 2 tsp cream of tartar
  • 1 tsp baking soda
  • 1/4 tsp salt (none if using salted butter)

Instructions

  1. Chewy Ginger Cookies - Beat ginger, butter and sugar together until light and fluffy, adding in molasses and egg. Combine flour, soda and salt, and add to the wet ingredients until just combined. Chill for at least 1 hour (This step is super important. The cookies won't combine as well if you don't give it enough time to chill.)
  2. Aunt Charlene's Snickerdoodle Cookies - Mix the wet ingredients well creaming butter and sugar first. Add eggs in one at a time, and then vanilla. Sift together dry ingredients. Combine wet and dry ingredients slowly.
  3. Once the ginger cookie dough has chilled, and you've finished with the snickerdoodle dough, get another 1/2 cup sugar and 1 tsp cinnamon to roll the cookies. I like to use sugar in the raw, because the crystals are bigger and it looks prettier when baked, but that's totally up to you. Take between 1/2 tsp and 1 tsp of each dough, roll them together so they marble, and then roll them in the sugar. Place 2 inches apart on an un-greased sheet pan, and bake at 350 for 9-12 minutes.
https://www.thecaptivatingwoman.com/snickersnaps/

You are welcome for the new joy in your life, and I’m sorry for the addiction it creates. Also, these two recipes together make ~8 dozen cookies, so feel free to make some and freeze the rest of the dough for up to 6 months. I’d freeze them each separately, but that’s mainly because I’m really fond of the marbling that happens.

Adventure.

Alaska was always this magical land where the sun never sets and then turns around, refusing to rise. A place with wild creatures and snow covered peaks, glaciers, and villages. A place I dreamed of visiting, never thinking the day would come.

Then I went twice in five weeks.

My job has taken me all over the world. I get to travel with short-term mission’s teams, love on the lost and restore hope. When I was assigned two separate Anchorage trips, I did not know what to do. All of my “mission’s clothes” were made for summer heat and humid thunderstorms; I had been working on my Spanish all year long. Now, I was going to serve a group of people I knew little about with teams I had never met.

This is adventure.

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On my first trip, I was able to work with teenagers who had never picked up a Bible and knew little of Christ. Our team helped them fundraise money to go to camp by selling hundreds of donuts in parking lots and on street corners. One of the girls raising money had only stepped through the doors of church a week prior to our arrival; she was looking for someone, anyone, to pay attention and notice her. Our team poured into her life, praying the week after we left as she went to camp she would come to know Jesus as her personal Lord and Savior.

As I stepped out of the airport five weeks later, nearly the first sentence out of my mouth was a question about her.

She had yet to accept Jesus as her Savior.

I was heartbroken.

Coming off a June of anguish and confusion, and a July of change I did not ask for, I needed this. I needed her to have said yes to Jesus. Why was my hard work of pouring into her not enough?

MY hard work. There is the problem.

I had spent my whole first trip pouring into her out of myself, not out of my abundance of Jesus. I tried to save her. Me. Jamie. I had forgotten saving was not my job.

It took two nights in Anchorage the second time around for me to get it. I cried out to God asking why she had not yet been saved. Wasn’t I doing enough? Jesus gently spoke to me in the way only He can,

“Jamie, it’s your job to point to me, it’s my job to run to her.”

Wow. What a beautiful reminder of how Jesus loves us. Of the prodigal son’s return. The rest of my second stay in Alaska was spent watching her grow and lead in our VBS, right alongside the team from Alabama. As she watched our team love kids and love Jesus with such abandon, I saw her begin to change. At the end of our trip, she prayed with another leader on our team the prayer of salvation.

We rejoiced with Jesus. She had found the hope she was longing for.

This is why I am a missionary. This is why I spend agonizing weeks fundraising my salary, preparing teams for travel, flying around the world. I go for the one.

Thank God for big reminders like Anchorage.
Thank God for not giving up on me.
Thank God for HOPE.

Be Truly Lovely

Society likes to preach about individuality; to embrace your uniqueness and express oneself openly to the world. Yet, there’s such a discrimination due to the constant defining of beauty through one specific image.

The definition of beauty has been taken and molded by the hands of man, instead of being remembered that beauty comes from the hands that created man.

The best way I can explain something to be truly beautiful, is for it to be strong and undisguised. There is nothing more radiant than coming across an individual whose goal is to not concern their main focus on being physically beautiful, but instead strive for their heart to hold the beauty.

“Do not let your adorning be external-the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear-but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious.” – 1st Peter 3:3-4

Witnessing the way a person talks, laughs, looks, carries themselves, loves, and expresses emotion is witnessing the craftsmanship of the Creator. If you try to change the way you are and mold yourself into some image, then the world is missing out on your precious, one-of-a-kind self!

 “We are worth more than jewels! Our beauty doesn’t come from our exterior appearance but comes from the soul!” -Audrey Hepburn

Loving yourself and accepting your worth is so very difficult; it even feels impossible at times! We as humans tend to place our worth into the hands of others in hopes that they will build us up and that we will continue to have great meaning to them.

I can say without a doubt that I did this.

I constantly seeked my worth from others more than I seeked it out from Jesus. And eventually it became crystal clear to my mind and soul that to seek confirmation of my worth in humans would only lead me to destruction and disappointment.

It was completely pointless to confirm my price in worth because my being had already been paid for through love and sacrifice.

It had finally clicked that to love myself and accept my worth, I had to fully give up this identity that I had created and indulge myself in the One who had, from the very beginning, set my worth.

“He makes us, utterly, real, and everything that is hurt, everything that seemed to us dark, harsh, shameful, maimed, ugly, irreparably damaged, is in Him transformed and recognized as whole, as lovely, as radiant in His light.” – Awaken As the Beloved -Saint Symeon

Beauty is what He is. Therefore, when we seek Him and dive deeper into His grace, we too gain beauty. A beauty that fills up our insides and leaks onto our exterior. A beauty that makes the heart joyful and the mind at peace. Our worth is our being, and our being is identified in Him.

Don’t let anyone or anything ever take control of your worth or beauty. Because you are so lovely and your worth is more than all jewels in the eyes of the Beloved.

“Behold, you are beautiful, my love; behold, you are beautiful; your eyes are doves. Behold, you are beautiful, my beloved, truly delightful.” – Song of Solomon 1:15-16

Assaulted By the World

Everywhere we go, turn and look we are constantly being assaulted with messages that we aren’t enough. We are unworthy, unqualified, not smart enough, not pretty enough, not capable, not ______ enough. But the Word of God tells us a different story.

It tells us that we are qualified, we are called, we are equipped, we are loved unconditionally, we are worthy, we are capable, we are victorious in Him and called to a life where God sized dreams can happen.

He has given each of us a unique dream and calling to live out!

We are VICTORIOUS in Him!

Just a thought and an encouragement to you whenever you are feeling down, discouraged, unworthy, alone etc… Never forget that the Lord is with you! Don’t believe the lies the enemy or this world constantly assaults us with!

I want to encourage you with these verses. Cling tight to them, speak them over your life and anytime you feel sad or down remember these promises the Lord has given you.

Deuteronomy 31:8 “The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.”

Psalm 40:1-3 “I waited patiently for the Lord; he turned to me and heard my cry. He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand. He put a new song in my mouth, a hymn of praise to our God. Many will see and fear the Lord and put their trust in him.”

2 Samuel 22:29 “You, Lord, are my lamp; the Lord turns my darkness into light.”

Psalm 32:10 “Many are the woes of the wicked, but the Lord’s unfailing love surrounds the one who trusts in him.”
John 16:33 “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”

Romans 8:38-39 “For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.”

1 Peter 4:12-13 “Dear friends, do not be surprised at the fiery ordeal that has come on you to test you, as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice inasmuch as you participate in the sufferings of Christ, so that you may be overjoyed when his glory is revealed.”

Isaiah 41:10 “So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”

Psalm 34:17 “The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears them; he delivers them from all their troubles.”

Philippians 4:11-13 “I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength.”

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