The Captivating Woman

Designed with purpose.

Complacent

A couple weeks ago, I embarked on a backpacking adventure to Iceland. For four days, I hiked the Landmannalaugar trail. The scenery was breathtaking. The weather was perfect. “Not too cold, not too hot. All you need is a light jacket” (If you guess where this quote is from you win! I don’t know what you win, but I’ll find something…).

I felt so adventurous as I crossed and jumped over rivers (I now have a love/hate relationship with rivers due to this trip), quickly set up a tent in the rain and snow, ascended and descended high mountain tops, and rehydrated meals with a little fuel tank and some boiling water. I was unstoppable! I felt amazing! I felt like a new person.

Now see here; when you venture out into the Icelandic wilderness with 30 pounds on your back and hike between 7 and 10 miles a day, your mind starts to race.

My mind would not stop spinning especially about the glory of God and His will for my life.

As I stood on top of a hill and scanned the landscape, I could not help but praise God. The scenery was amazing and to know He created this was absolutely astounding! I could also not help but think about the lives of the people of Iceland and of those in other parts of the world. Do they know Christ? Have they heard of Him? Is there someone who can speak to them about the love and mercy of our Lord? Then my questions shifted…

“Can I be that person to speak to them about the love and mercy of our Lord?”

“Can I be the voice proclaiming the Gospel?”

“Can I go and be a witness and light to others?”

These questions soon became my prayer for the rest of the trip. I began to pray for clarity for the plans God has for my life. I began to pray on how I can witness to my community and to other countries.

I am now back at work and feel complacent. I feel annoyed. I feel bored. I am tired of feeling safe. I am tired of working at a job where I have to walk on eggshells because of how the employees and employers are connected. I want to go out and not be afraid to share my faith. I want to go out and be a light in the darkness.

I have been listening to different sermons from Francis Chan and the fire for preaching the Gospel is blazing. In one of Chan’s sermons, he talks about how American Christians get caught up in living a “safe” life. We only hang out with others who are Christians, we won’t go to certain events unless they are Christian-based, and so on and so on. We get caught up in what our church building looks like, how good the band is, if there is a cool light show, and how many people are in attendance. What Chan says next is the cherry on top. Now here you go. Are you ready?

God did not call us to live a SAFE life.

God did not call us to only stick with fellow believers. God did not call us to sit in a building with thousands of people as the lights are flashing with an awesome slideshow and the band singing Hillsong’s “Oceans”. God called us to go. Go. Go and make disciples. Go and spread the good news. Go into the world and proclaim His name.

Now I am not saying not to hang out with your Christian friends. I am not saying to not attend church and be fed. I am not saying that your church is bad if it has a light show and has a band that sings “Oceans”. I am not saying to be of the world. I am simply saying to go.

I know it is not easy to be a Christ-follower. Our lives have been radically changed forever. We want everyone to know about the love of God; yet, when we open our mouths, we get judged. People don’t want to listen to you. People start to look at you differently, especially in the Bay Area, which is the most un-churched area in the Nation.

In all of America, the Bay Area reigns supreme as the most anti-God community. The minute I mention that I am a believer, the look on people’s faces resemble the face of a baby that has tried a piece of a lemon for the first time. Mentioning my faith in God equals to an obscene comment or gesture in the Bay. Funny how an area that heavily promotes love, equality, and acceptance, doesn’t really show love or acceptance to all people. Yet, we can’t let that un-acceptance and the judgment stop us…

Being a Christian, a Christ-follower, means that your life is changed forever.

It’s changed in a glorious way. We have experienced how glorious Christ is and it is time to share that with others. Whether it is something simple or extravagant, local or global, the message of the Gospel must be told to our communities. We must go.

When I Stopped Growing Spiritually for My Future Husband

For as long as I can remember, I was told to pray for my future husband. “Sarah, pray for him. Pray for his purity. Pray his health. Pray.”

Recently, I’ve found some old journals with prayers for my future husband. I’m sure some of you have journals like that. “My love…where are you? What are you doing currently? Remember that I’m waiting for you.” I feel silly thinking about my little love letters. I’m a romantic at heart and words are my love language, but these letters were a little interesting and somewhat embarrassing. As much as I want to burn them, I just can’t. They are humorous, but sweet.

My prayers soon developed into making sure that I was becoming a woman worth marrying. It was my focus. I thought, “If I serve in church, my future husband would be impressed and more attracted to me.” Or, “If he saw my prayer journal, he would know that I was a Proverbs 31 woman.” I wanted to be everything for a man, even at a young age, that I started using God to make myself look better.

I was serving God to impress a man.

I was using God like men use puppies to gather a group of girls together.

I was growing spiritually for a man and not for the benefit of  enhancing my own relationship with Him.

My Facebook posts were little plugs to get men. Who needs Christian Mingle when you can post a Jesus centered status?! Yeah, that’s what I thought. 

No wonder I never felt content in my relationship with God – it was all for show. I could feel Him press into my heart and say, “You don’t know Me intimately. You aren’t wanting to know Me. You are using Me to grow for a man, for a future husband, for a future life. But what about now?”

I hope I’m not the only one who does this. I’ve heard from a choir of girls that say they are preparing themselves for marriage. Now before you click out of this, stay with me on this thought.

When we spend time with Jesus and grow with Him, it should be because we love Him and want to be near Him. In doing so, our relationships, our friendships, our work atmospheres will change. It’s just what happens when we want to be with Jesus. The Lord has been slamming me with this thought:

If you want to live like your Father, get to know your Father.

The by-product of spending time with Jesus is a life of hope, peace, and joy. In Him, I find true contentment, my identity, my life.

I know that God doesn’t want me to using Him like a puppy. God wants me to serve Him, love Him, & grow with Him because it’s important for me. I can already tell that if my intention to grow spiritually is solely for a marriage, I will miss out on many things that the Lord wants to do and show – I will highly be disappointed.

Keep praying for your future husband and even your current husband, but remember that your relationship with Jesus is for your benefit foremost. Your relationships will look and feel better when you’ve made your relationship with Jesus your priority.

Ask For What You Need

I love to people watch. I enjoy meeting friends after work for a drink, but the part that usually sways me from just inviting them to my house and having them there instead is the promise of people watching. We are a fascinating species, and I’m not sure I’ll ever get tired of watching people interact, picking up on the cues from body language and expressions.

Because I try to be observant, and feel like I read people well – I get frustrated when the people in my life don’t seem to be accurately reading me.

And for a long time, I held out, wishing that someone in my family and close circle would know me well enough to know what I needed without me having to actually ask for it. And sometimes they did. But more often than not, they assumed that I needed something, I know how to ask for it.

I hate that.

It’s not an unfair expectation. I am rather self-assured as a general rule, and don’t have an issue having hard conversations or adapting to change if it means that something gets done well and more efficiently than the alternative. I try to be conscientious of others – but I’m also unnervingly stubborn when it comes to accomplishing whatever it is I’ve decided upon.

Except that somewhere in the 20-plus years I’ve been alive, I’ve managed to divorce asking for what I need to accomplish my to-do list, and asking for what I need to feel wanted and worthy.

I told myself for a long time that if these people really loved me, if they really knew me, they would get it. They’d do it, because who would willingly deny someone something they considered vital to being loved and valued? And if they didn’t, I probably didn’t actually need that thing or that conversation after all. And so I spent a lot of time secretly resenting the people I loved because I felt like they were wronging me. Like they didn’t know the real me. Like they couldn’t possibly like the real me because she was going to ask things of them that they weren’t willing to voluntarily give.

Friends, please hear me when I say this:

Ask the people you love for what you need.

Ask them.

That conversation may be awkward and painful and filled with frustration, but it is the only way you can reasonably expect to feel like your needs and wants are being converted to the other people. Even then, they may not fully get it. But like anything in life, the more you practice – having hard conversations, setting boundaries, being specific and explicit in what you need from people – the better you get at it.

It doesn’t meant that they will actually act on any or what you have expressed to them. They may not respond in a healthy or helpful way to you and the amount of bravery and work it took for you to put into words what you need from them. They may hear you, and get you, and still continue doing what they’ve always done. That puts you in an entirely different situation, filled with entirely different hard conversations, but you have done what you can to be transparent.

Deep down, no matter what people seem on the surface, we all want to be known by those we love. But it is unfair of us to assume that being fully known requires no effort on our part. It does require effort, and finding tactful ways to speak the truth in love, and coming back with equal parts forgiveness and apology when it’s not been done right. If it ever gets easy to have those conversations, that’s surprising and welcome news to me…but if my gut is right, it won’t. It may get easier – because we know that they end result is worth the discomfort. or because we learn to trust the process so the whole thing isn’t as anxiety inducing as it once was.

I look forward to that day in my own life, because my heart still pounds and my stomach still pools with dread whenever I have to have those conversations. And honestly – sometimes I avoid them for far longer than I should, because the whole situation wants to send me spiraling into a mess of my own anxiety triggers. When I’m spiraling, I feel like they are terrible, horrible experiences that freak me out…but I know that good things require work, effort and the tenacity to get up again and face those things that leave me shaking in my boots.

And those conversations, scary as they are, are good things. Are healthy things. Are worthy things.

I Would Like to Claim…

I am a writer.

My mind cannot help but create. It is constantly searching for something new to express.
 It never sleeps.

Even in my dreams, I use my God given talents to be the most creative and unique person I can be. 
It gives me purpose. It gives me strength. But most of all it defines me.

There are so many qualities about ourselves we choose to identify with. Whether it be your luscious hair, your piercing eyes, your sensible smile, your outlandish personality, or like me, your ability to be innovative and free.

No matter what it is, we all have that something we can use to claim, “This is who I am!” 
No one can change that.

The characteristics I choose to own and declare to the world, are the ones I am most proud of and love the most.

Yes, you should choose to accept all of yourself, including your flaws.
 However, I believe your confidence comes 
from the talents you are most passionate
 about and the ones you feel most connected to. They give you the power to control what makes you happy and what makes you the best YOU, you can possibly be.
 They just make us who we are. 
It is as simple as that.

I would like to claim…

My creative instincts. 
My kind & sensitive nature.
 My love for human interaction. 
My quirky & zany personality. 
My infectious laughter.
 My passion for giving to those in need. My knack for listening to others.
 My yearn to try new things & zest for life. My strength in overcoming hardships. My devotion to God.
 My faith in my friends & family.

My will to know what I want out of life. My ability to stay true to who I am.
…all because these encompass me and provide me with the most confidence.

I have my faults just like everyone else, and they define me just as much.

I would like to claim…

My indecisive nature.
 My inability to trust some & my ability to overly trust others.
 My prideful stature.
My narrow minded state of being. 
My lust for perfection. 
My controlling personality.
 My lack of self-confidence & self-worth. My strive to be someone I am not. 
My overly jealous state of mind. 
My need to change who I am. 
My mental disabilities.
 My diminishing thoughts about myself. …all because they weight me down, preventing me from expressing myself.

By declaring these flaws and making them known, gives them less power over me.
 It allows me to set myself free from these barriers, making myself more vulnerable.

I get to shed them from my skin and be the girl God intended me to be.
 My faults define me, but only because they make me stronger and give me the ability to over come these sinful, harmful thoughts.

The longer I dwell on them…
…the more they control my state of mind, making me be someone I am not. The more they possess my fine qualities, letting others see the worst in me.
…the more they have the ability to drain my spirits and my faith in God, allowing more sin to be present in my life.
…the more they prevent me from being myself to those who care most about me. …the more they make me feel disengaged from the world, showing others my heart’s open wounds.

Loving yourself is a hard thing to do. 
From your flaws to your insecurities, we are simply burdened with the constant reminder “You are never enough.”
 Woman are growing up in a world where they have to fit in certain box.
 When we do not fit the box, the reminder kicks in that we are just “not enough.”

My point in this piece is to provide 
others with the comfort that we all have flaws; ones that are hard to control. 
Despite those flaws, you are more than
 them because they do not control you.
 Embrace your personality and your flaws 
because that is what makes you special.
 That is what helps define you and give you the tenacity to never give up on yourself.

Believe in the beauty of “I am always enough.” You are what you want to be, not what
 your insecurities tell you to be.
 Be the you God wants and made you to be, because there is no one more special, more unique than who you are.
 Have the courage to say, “This is me!”

Stop saying pretty, please.

There are a lot of things we cannot control in this life. For starters, we cannot control our make-up, our family, our heritage, or where we come from. Boom. We’re born into that. We do not have a say if we’re classified as Northern or Southern. We don’t get a choice over how many siblings we have.

We also cannot control our physical make-up. Our eye color, hair texture, skin color, super-fast or super-slow metabolism, and the list goes on and on. We cannot control if math comes natural to us; we cannot control if words and letters appear jumbled when we read. We can study hard, have tutors. We can have personal trainers and, heck, nowadays we can buy colored contacts if we are that dissatisfied with our eye color. So sure, maybe these things aren’t definite things; they’re not determinants of who we might be or not be forever. We can try and change some of those things, but ultimately, we do not initially control them.

So, here we sit with a ton of physical, emotional, and mental things we cannot control. We got dealt these things. This is what we are working with.

If that is true, why do we judge on them? Why is so much pressure, so much emphasis, so much of our precious time spent worrying and stressing about looks, when we ultimately don’t control them? Why do people drool over silky hair, symmetrical faces, sultry eyes, when we do not have a say over them? Why are people made fun of for acne, for being pigeon-toed, for bushy eye brows, when that is the genetic make-up they’re born with?

Why is “being pretty” such a compliment, when it is merely complimenting the gene pool and chromosomes we possess? When people want to compliment appearance, I simply want to point them to Andrea and Scott – my lovely parents – because it is their compliment. My thick hair, weird earlobes, and hazel eyes all came from them. I did not earn them, nor work for them. They simply came with the rest of me.

We are born into a culture that’s beauty-focused and pretty-obsessed. My compact face powder has “flawless coverage” for 24 hours; it is named Infallible. According to the box, this compact powder is perfect – it will literally not fail me. If you’re from the south, you may have grown up being told to “not act ugly.”

What is the opposite of ugly? Pretty.

We are told to act pretty, to be pretty.

We are constantly looking at magazines and comparing ourselves to the clothes, styles, and women in them. Heck, US Weekly has an entire spread of “Who wore it better?” We are programmed from such an early age to compare, to decide which we like more, and to decide what is prettier.

Ladies, let’s abolish “pretty” from our vocabulary. Compliment on other things besides gorgeous faces and great clothes, because those are (literally) surface-level. Your best friend who has stood by your side through trials and pain is not simply pretty; she is beautiful. She is gentle, tender, kind, caring, servant-minded and that – that right there – is beautiful. That is magnificent, raw, deep, and so beautiful.

Christ calls us His beloved.

He has chosen us. He has picked us. He has paid a deep, steep, and immeasurable price for us. For our hearts. A price that holds much more weight than great cheekbones and dainty wrists. A price that is not masked by foundation or silk.

I smile and say “thank you” when someone tells me I look nice. Yes, that is so sweet and kind. How far is that going to get me, though?

Not too far.

Yes, in this world, unfortunately it can sometimes seem like it gets us farther than I believe is fair. However, this life, is not about this life. This life is preparation for eternity. This life is preparation for home. Home with our Father. A home that is so deeply and intrinsically beautiful. A home that is full of “pretty” hearts. Beautiful people do not always look like they walked out of Vogue. Beautiful people, though, will be the ones that listen. The ones that care. The ones that will encourage you and be there for you, when you are down on yourself because you do not look like a woman from Vogue. Guess what. You are not supposed to. You are supposed to look like you, the beautiful way your Father designed you, and strive for a beautiful life – not face.

“Do not let your adorning be external – the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear – but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious.” – 1 Peter 3:3-4

“Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.” – Proverbs 31:30

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