Life Archives | Page 4 of 9

August 25, 2016

Be Brave, Trust Jesus, Repeat.

Be brave.

If I could tag that on every wall in my house, write it on all of my mirrors, and ink it on my skin, I think I would.

Be. Brave.

Not living a life devoid of fear, but choosing to live boldly in spite of it. To look the things that scare me – with my sweaty palms, racing heart and anxious nausea – straight in the face, and step out into big, hard things anyway. Anxiety is crippling if you let it be and if you aren’t aware enough of your own triggers and reactions, you can spiral hard and fast and be miserable and not know how you got there.

It’s also rather talkative if you know what you are listening for. It whispers that you are so much safer here, in this little sterile bubble. You don’t need to have that hard conversation, set boundaries and hold people accountable to them, love people when it’s hard and you want to quit, keep showing up when it’s not easy to be there, or have the courage to finally walk away when there isn’t any more you can give to a thing. It whispers that you aren’t enough to be brave. Or bold. Or courageous. Because even if you manage to make it look like you are, it’s only a matter of time until someone comes in and exposes you as a fraud.

And it all feels so true. So the terror that arises from the fear of being exposed encloses us into these little boxes that are all at once comforting and suffocating. These boxes that leave us afraid, restless and resentful, because we know that other people are living and breathing and free, and we have no idea how to be them. We chalk it up to the idea that those people, those people who are doing big and exciting and terrifying things are just brave people. There are two groups then, the brave and those of us who are terrified of situations whose odds we can’t stack in our favor.

Except that if the last couple of years have taught me anything, it’s that there aren’t brave people and terrified people. Well…there are, but it’s not because of the inherent differences in people. Brave people are still often anxious and terrified. Because bravery isn’t embodied as those who are never scared.

Bravery is the people who are scared and anxious and refuse to stay home in their little safe boxes, even though the whispering voice of anxiety says they should.

You, whoever and wherever you are, can be brave. If I were to guess, most of you show glimpses of it every day. Every time you do something that makes your stomach clench, or that makes your heart pound when faced with it. It is not something you have to fake, because bravery may be the most genuine thing that exists on this planet.

I’m going to say that again, because goodness gracious it needs to be heard:

You do not need to fake bravery. If you are faking it, I would go so far as to say that it’s not actually brave.

Bravery acknowledges that you are fearful and anxious and unsure, you are just determined enough to take the chance anyway. You are brave when you admit to someone that you are terrified and need help. Or that you failed and need forgiveness and to make amends. Or when you show up again to things that you have failed at before.

Bravery and vulnerability are the kind of best friends that you rarely, if ever, see separated.

When you are brave, you are almost always also in positions to be vulnerable. And when we divorce them, we cheapen bravery somehow.

This stance has forced me to re-evaluate what definition I give to vulnerability. I used to think it was getting up on a stage or platform and telling the horrors of the mistakes of my past to a collection of friends, family and relative strangers. By airing every piece of dirty laundry that I’ve ever had, even when it felt like rubbing salt in road-rash – I was being vulnerable. And I hated it.

That is a brand of vulnerability, most definitely. And sometimes, I’d even say that the Lord asks that of us. But 99% of the time, the way I now define vulnerability is radically different.

It looks like asking for what I need (which is different from the things I want) from the people I love.

It looks like showing up to places and relationships and letting myself be seen, even when I feel woefully inadequate, undesirable and useless.

It looks like valuing people and relationships more than my desire to appear together.

It looks like inviting people who have earned it into the parts of me I’m not proud of – both to hold it with me and to keep me accountable.

It looks like asking for help when I know I’m spiraling, reaching out for wise counsel and therapy when I see myself honestly and recognize what I have defined as normal is not always healthy.

It’s so much smaller to the outside observer, but it’s an every day practice. It’s also really difficult, scary and easy to do poorly.

Do you see why bravery and vulnerability are best friends? That kind of vulnerability requires so much bravery. So much. It also requires so much grace. Because when we do things that are bigger than us, or involve interacting with other people, or taking chances on things that are uncertain, we are bound to fail. I could say we may only fail a few times until we get it all figured out, or until we really embrace Christianity…but that would be a lie. That’s a tenant of the fake it until you make it ideology.

The reality is that this life is riddled with failure and missteps and missing the mark. Granted, the kind of sin and failure we experience may look different with Jesus than without Him…but we still fall and fail. Often. And so we rest in grace. Even though it’s uncomfortable, and makes us feel useless to God, we are called to rest in it. And then to admit that we feel lacking and are scared, and to be willing to stare that fear in the face and show up anyway. And then, just as we think we may have found the balancing point, we trip and need forgiveness and grace. And it begins again. We need to be brave, be vulnerable and be utterly dependent on grace. And then do it all over again, and again, and again.

That is bravery. At least this brand of it.

It’s scary, and difficult, and riddled with doing it wrong until you don’t. And doing it right until you don’t, and clinging to grace like a life raft because it’s our unshakable security. It’s worth doing, even when that little voice whispers that it isn’t.

Be brave. Trust Jesus. Repeat.

August 23, 2016

Year 2 – What’s in Store with The Captivating Woman?

Welcome to year 2 of The Captivating Woman!

If you were with us from the beginning or if this is your first time on our site, hi! We are thankful you are here. We LOVE that you’re here with us!

There are a lot of new things happening with The Captivating Woman and I wanted to share that with you all. We have been excited for our relaunch because we believe that God is going to be doing a great thing in year 2.

Let’s talk about what’s happening with The Captivating Woman.

We doubled our team! Yes! DOUBLED! From the beginning, all of our team members were from California and now we have people all over the United States and even in the UK and Philippines. How cool is that? Check out The Team page to learn more about our TCW members.

We will be focusing on devotionals in year 2. If you remember, last year we had our Advent series which was awesome. But as I was praying for the site and what God was wanting us to, devotionals kept popping up in my prayer time. We are excited for those to launch – be on the look out.

In prayer, the Lord was pressing into my heart the vision and mission statement behind The Captivating Woman. As our ministry continues to grow, we wanted to have a sincere focus for it.

So, why do we exist?

Vision: Inviting women to experience freedom and edification in their lives through scripture and honest conversations.

Mission Statement: Celebrating women and the Creator who intricately designed us.

We pray that our vision and mission will be found in everything that we do. Our ultimate goal is to allow God to be used through us – because without Him we are nothing. We cannot be captivating woman if we are not allowing Jesus to shine through us.

May 24, 2016

The Gilmore Girls Did Not Prepare Me For Marriage

Fall in love with someone who doesn’t make you think love is hard. -Anonymous

I was perusing the interwebs the other day and I came across this quote on Pinterest.

From a quick glance and move on perspective, many people may not realize how this type of thinking could play out in their own relationships. Some may think “Yes! This is exactly what I am looking for, or “If only a man out there like this existed…”

When my husband and I started dating, he was the first man to ever call me out in love about my heart issues. I had no idea the amount of unforgiveness, anger, and fear I was holding onto. Of course, when we are called out in our sin our first reaction is not often resulting in a bear hug of thankfulness for them making you see the light. (If this is you? Oh bless you…)

My reactions came from the overflow of what existed in my heart, which meant it was not always pretty. I started to become discontent.

The reality is, love and marriage is not easy. Sin is painful. Happiness is not pursuable because it is ever changing. Contentment is pursuable because it is rooted in Christ, who is unchanging.

Marriage is designed for the purpose of becoming holy and more like Christ.

All I know is Gilmore Girls could not have prepared me for this…

To be content in my marriage meant that I needed to run to God and ask him what it means to be in a marriage that is glorifying to him. Then be willing to have him show me the areas in which I needed a full on rehabilitation of my thinking.

To erase my views and expectations that I had learned growing up watching tv shows, listening to pop songs, and even the marriages I saw with my own eyes. I needed to start with a blank slate that was based on Jesus and him alone.

God started to reveal to me that being content in my marriage meant quite a few things.

#1 – Having a strong foundation in knowing where your identity comes from is crucial in marriage. The thing is, my husband is human! He is sinful as well, and so to be content in my marriage meant that I needed to know up front that Jose would disappoint me. That grace and understanding would be a pivotal part of being married. Forgiveness should be handed out not when my husband deserves it, but out of the thankfulness of the grace that is given to me daily from God. I still struggle with the truth that my identity in Christ still exists, even when my husband and I are not on the same page. This is a work in progress.

#2 – I started to realize that the biggest obstacle in my marriage is not my husband, finances, school, his mistakes, but it was me. I am the biggest obstacle in my marriage. To be content meant that I needed to truly surrender my marriage to The Lord. To hand him my marriage knowing he is working on Jose. Working on the man of God he is creating him to be, and I needed to focus on my walk with Jesus and the woman he is creating me to be. The state of your vertical relationship (You & God) is what allows you to have healthy and God honoring horizontal relationships (You & Others).

#3 – lastly, is comparison. Deadly comparison that likes to seep into our thoughts and make us feel like what we have is not good enough. It is that Instagram post that you saw of your friend and her husband going on vacation, or the flowers that her husband brought home just because, or the sweet hand holding you see while on a double date. Comparison will kill the beautiful marriage that God has given you.

It will discourage the man you love and create an environment of insecurity. I know this because I have walked on this road before. Sister look at your husband with a thankful heart. Look at the man that God is molding before your eyes (remember sanctification is rough!), and as I type this I am saying this to myself as well. Be thankful that God has chosen you above all other women to walk with your husband and be there to witness and see the man of God he is laying out before you.

Being content in marriage can be a struggle because our flesh will always be looking for more. To be content is to keep our desires in check, and if they are not in line with what God has for you as his daughter, and you as a wife. Chuck em out of the window! His desires for you will always be sweeter, than the temporary fix we tend to cling onto.

Contentment will not happen overnight, but embrace the process sister! I promise you it will be worth it.

[ If you are in a relationship that is abusive and harmful, this is not a post for you to learn how to be content. Sister, please reach out to someone you trust that can help you get out of this environment, and truly know that you are a beloved daughter of a King. ]

May 17, 2016

DIY Shower Cleaner

I have a love/hate relationship with cleaning my bathroom. I love having it clean and sparkly, and I know way too much about the bacteria that want to grow in there to leave it for too long. Clorox wipes are my best friend for wiping down my sink and vanity area, and I have a set system for keeping the floors, mirrors and toilet clean. The shower is where I notoriously have trouble. For a long time, no system worked that was affordable and quick.

When I already don’t have enough time to get everything on my to-do list done in a given week, chores that take significant time can easily get pushed off another week. This may have translated to weeks (months) where I rinsed what I saw, but I didn’t deep clean my shower more than taking a Clorox wipe to the bottom.

Like any good believer in retail therapy and the wonders of sales at Ulta, I have a thousand and one shampoos, conditioners, hair masques, body washes, lotions, scrubs and other products that take up too much space in my shower. And admittedly, they often like to find their way in little globs on the shower itself or on the shower curtain. I have discovered the hard way that if you don’t catch them in time, that stuff will harden and it takes a pickax to get it off all of the way.

That is, until I discovered the wonders of Blue Dawn Soap and Vinegar. I’m sure there are other products that do the same thing, and you’ll often pay a decent amount for them, but guys. Seriously. Blue dawn (and don’t ask me why that works better than another color/smell of dawn but it really does) and normal old white vinegar can clean anything from my bathtub.

I buy one of those dish scrubbers, you know the ones that have the spot in the handle for the soap with the sponge on the end?

I take that and fill it half and half with the BD and Vinegar. Turn it over a couple of times to mix it up, and scrub away. I have to touch nothing but the handle (because let’s be real, that’s the grossest part), I’m not dealing with anything crazy chemical wise, it makes it smell fresh and clean when it’s done, and that stuff cuts through grease and my little globbies that want to take up residence. Though you may have to work at it a little depending on the product, how long it’s been living there, etc.

Sometimes (though be careful not to splash it up on yourself) I even go ahead and clean it while I’m still in the shower. And when I’m finished, I’m clean, my shower is clean and I don’t have to give it a second thought.

It’s less than $5 (depending on sizes, brands and what you already have on hand) and it lasts for a long time, making a cleaner that works.

Great life choice in my book.

Disclaimer: Depending on the quality of scrub brush you buy, some of the liquid mix may spill out when it’s being stored. I leave mine on the lip of my tub and whenever I use it, I just rinse the BD and vinegar away. I’ve never stored it on anything that wasn’t able to be washed, so I can’t speak for that, but if you’ve never used that kind of brush before – know that it can leak a little. I just take it as par for the course with that tool, and keep on keeping on.

May 10, 2016

The Budgeting Woman

When you hear the words “personal money management,” what thoughts come to mind? Confidence or confusion? Peace or anxiety? Or maybe just nothing at all? Regardless of the feelings that surface when the topic of discussion turns to money, the truth is that it will always be something that demands our attention.

Being a young adult requires a lot of maturing and figuring out how life beyond college really works, and a big part of that process means learning how to handle money. But if your college experience was anything like mine, you probably didn’t have to take a course on budgeting or how to pay back student loans or what to do when your dream job doesn’t pan out immediately.

And yet that’s what ends up being a lot of people’s post-college reality: trying to figure out how to navigate adult life on their own with very little guidance. After I graduated, I quickly found myself in that place, with the most challenging upstream battle being how to handle money, particularly in a Biblical and God-honoring way.

Since then, I have learned many things about how to “adult,” and I have found that the biggest key to managing money well has been making a monthly budget. At the beginning of every month I sit down and input my expected income and expected expenses, intentionally telling my money where it’s going to go. Then throughout the month, I continue to keep my budget updated to reflect extra income and any additional expenses. Sometimes it’s a tedious task, but I love knowing where it’ll going instead of, at the end of the month, wondering where it went.

In doing this, I have managed to pay off thousands of dollars worth of student loans and a car loan in the last fourteen months, and should be totally debt free before the end of the year. I am so excited about all of it that I find myself telling others that they, too, can take control of their financial situations with some goals, perseverance, and a whole lot of grit.

So, whether you are single or married, and whether or not you have debt, here are some of my tips and tricks for budgeting:

Take the time to pray over your finances, and ask God to give you direction, discernment, and discipline.
Continue to tithe, no matter what your financial situation looks like. It’s important to give back to God what is rightfully His before ever using it for yourself. Consider setting up automatic payments if you have a hard time tithing regularly.
Have at least $1,000 in your savings account at all times for emergencies that pop up. If you are debt free, that number should be somewhere around 3-6 months of expenses.
Create a zero-based budget every month. My favorite tool for this is EveryDollar.
If you have accrued consumer debt (loans, student loans, credit cards, etc.), make it a priority to pay it off as soon as possible by taking on extra work or cutting frivolous spending habits (see my tips for this below).
Still leave some room to treat yo’self. I have given myself little incentives along the way after each debt gets paid off, which has helped me stay more focused and motivated.
If you are married, you and your spouse have to be on the same page. Sit down together each month to plan your budget, and hold one another accountable to your plan throughout the month.
If you are single, ask a trusted friend or mentor to be your accountability partner. My “budget buddy” and I meet at the end of each month to look at where my money went that month and to plan for the following. This has been crucial to my success thus far.
Stick to your budget every month. Discipline isn’t supposed to be easy, but in the end it will be so worth it.
Seek to learn the art of contentment (Hebrews 13:5-6) and remember that money is just a thing. Guard your heart against the love of it (because idolatry – 1 Timothy 6:10)

One practical way I started to make more money and put it toward debt was by taking on extra jobs. It’s not a revolutionary idea, I know, but it works. For the last year, I have been taking on anything and everything that has come my way: babysitting, petsitting, home organizing, interior painting, tutoring, and, more recently, commissioned art pieces and photography gigs. Another way to save the money? Planning ahead and learning to say no. Here are some of my tips for doing just that:

Make your coffee at home. Why spend $4 on a latte you can make at home with fresh brewed coffee and some frothed milk? At-home lattes in cute to-go mugs are my jam.
Carry tea bags with you in your purse. Sounds weird, I know, but then if you find yourself out and about needing a bit of caffeine or meeting a friend at a coffee shop, all you’ll need is a cup of hot water and you’re good to go!
Keep snacks in your purse, car, desk, everywhere. I always have a LaraBar or Kind Bar in each of those places for the moments when I just need a little something to satisfy my hunger.
Make your lunches at home instead of going out everyday. Lunch plans with a coworker? Suggest bringing your own food and having a picnic. Not only is this more cost effective, but it’s a whole lot healthier, too.
Say no to the things might be considered frivolous spending (i.e. a concert, new sunglasses, that spring break trip, etc.). This is probably the hardest tip to put into action, but I have learned that saying no to things now allows me say yes to even better things later.

Taking extra income and immediately separating it into an account for debt payoff has not always been easy, but it has been super rewarding. Maybe your challenge isn’t paying off debt, but saving for a big trip or preparing to a buy a house. Watching those numbers dwindle (or add up if you’re saving) is truly so gratifying, because you literally get to see your hard work pay off. And maybe your current financial situation is different than mine. No matter what your circumstances may look like, there is so much value in learning as early as possible how to handle your money in a way that sets you up for success and glorifies God.

One last key to any success is to remember that it is all a gift from God, not an idol to be worshiped or a master to be enslaved to. God is Sovereign and knows the needs of people, but we must also be responsible with that He has given to us. It isn’t always easy, but our acts of obedience now with the resources He leaves in our hands will undoubtedly set us up for greater things in the future. I hope that through these words you have been encouraged to be intentional with your money planning, aggressive with your debt payoff, and frivolous in your generosity, all to the glory of our Father.